Germinating Faith

Recently I wrote to a dear, close friend of mine that I have been frustrated spiritually along many lines. I’ve been frustrated with myself whether I have been hearing from God correctly. If so, then why isn’t He moving as quickly as I want Him to? Is He actually moving in the first place, or am I just moving along in life just spinning my spiritual wheels, so to speak? If I am not hearing Him correctly, then where am I missing Him? Is it in everything that I believe I have heard Him in or is it in just certain things? Where is the delineation, and how do I find it? If I don’t know where it is broken…where I am and am not hearing Him, then how do I know how and when to act in the first place? How do I know when and where to move or to apply my faith? Can I apply faith correctly in the first place if I don’t know where to apply it? I mean certainly it seems to be a futile effort to put faith into something that isn’t from God in the first place.

But how do we as Christians know where that line is? It’s not like I suddenly “hear” something out of the blue in my spirit and randomly attribute it to God. I pray…hard and often for long periods of time. I hear in my spirit…I believe it…especially at the time I’m hearing it. Yet so many times, what I thought I heard never comes to pass. Then when one thing doesn’t, it sort of spirals out of control inside of me, and I begin to question whether I’ve heard from Him at all, and it inadvertently paralyzes me spiritually.

What’s even more frustrating is the fact that with everything in me I desire to hear from God on the most intimate of levels. My testimony includes a huge period of my life where I not only strayed away from God but completely all but abandoned Him. It was years later, and only by the grace of God, that I…the modern day prodigal son…finally realized what a spiritual cesspool I was wallowing in and turned back toward God. That process also took years, and I would love to say that it was not without missteps or utter rebellion as my sinful nature time and time again attempted to mimic the behavior of the world. I would love to say that in the instance that I began turning my spiritual compass toward Christ again that it always pointed me in the right direction. None of that is true. I am human just like everyone else, and I have my own faults, flaws, and failures that have proven as stumbling blocks in my journey with Christ. I think that everyone who is a Christian can relate to this.


Published by

Edward Lollar

I dearly love Jesus Christ with all my heart, soul, and strength. He is my everything and my reason for living. He comes first in my life above all other things.

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